by Rabbi David Friedman, Jerusalem

There are many wonderful, awe inspiring and righteous commandments given in this week's parasha, Mishpatim (Exodus 21.1-24.18). I would define the word mishpatim as "ordinances and judgments that have a Heavenly source, and a strong logical base to them." This word can have other meanings in other contexts. But in our parasha, we are looking at commandments given by God that expressed what His righteous society would look like.

By carrying out these parts of the Heavenly One's will, the entire societal structure and ensuing relationships of the people of Israel would reflect the loving, merciful and righteous character of our God. Parashat Mishpatim details what that society was to look like, and what its priorities were to be ... today I will touch on but one of the many holy ideas laid forth by our God; yet it is a commandment with untold benefits, if we only carry it out in our lifetime.

I can't help but think that the world that we live in has changed so much since I was young. Daily I notice such changes when I observe the way that people relate to one another. One of the areas where that change is clearly seen is in the relationship between parents and children, and on a grander scale, between the older and younger generations. On Mt. Sinai, God gave a sweeping, general mitzvah (commandment) to Israel:

"Show honor to your father and mother, so that your days on the very soil that Adonai your God is giving you will be long" (Exodus 20.12, my translation). The word for "showing honor" is "kaved"; it literally means "heaviness", in Hebrew, as in a measure of weight. So we are told to give weight to our parents, to their guidance, to their instruction, to their influence in our lives as their sons and daughters. Their influence should "weigh heavily" on our course in life, that is, in the way that we think and relate to others of all age groups.

In Parashat Mishpatim, it is written: "These are the Heavenly based ordinances that you (Moshe) will put before them..." (Exodus 21.1). I couldn't help but to notice that two sets of instructions by God in the first chapter of our parasha had to do with parental relations.

One such ordinance states: "Anyone who physically assaults his father or his mother must be put to death" (Exodus 21.15, my translation). To carry out such an act was and is despicable. One would have to abhor their parents and wish them great harm to carry out such an act; one would have to wish harm upon them. The Canaanite nations that Israel would have to face upon entry into the Land routinely did such despicable things in their society. But it was not to be so in Israel.

And again in our parasha, it is written: "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death" (21.17, NIV). My take on this verse is that it refers to the Canaanite practice of trying to manipulate parents into self-centered, self-serving actions via a ritual, occultic and idolatry-based curse. It is manipulation through ritual witchcraft. These were typical practices in Canaanite society in the land to which the twelve tribes were returning. It reflects disrespect for parents, to say the least. Sorcery and illicit family relations were common (read Leviticus18, a text that was considered by my teacher to be set in direct opposition to typical Canaanite family "relations"). We see that this disregard for parents and children (e.g. offering one's children as blood sacrifices to idols, cf. Leviticus 20.2-5) speaks loudly of the Canaanite value system.

The three commandments that I've cited from Exodus point out that Israel's God desired a healthy, whole relationship between children of all ages and their parents.

I am heartbroken when I see the world around me. There are so many destroyed, broken relationships between parents and children, influencing children from a young age all the way to adulthood; influencing middle-aged parents to elderly parents. I see so much yearning for restoration and good relations between hurting parents and children (especially parents with their adult children). Broken parental-child relations are an international plague, one that strongly displeases God and man. I encourage each one of you to take the initiative to mend your fences with your parents, if there is a breach. Even if you weren't at fault. Or even if you were at fault. Even if the break was something you couldn't help; even if you were hurt by your parents; or by your children.

I want to strongly encourage younger readers to take the initiative in your life to be kind to your parents, and as well to elderly people-always, in every situation. Even if they don't deserve it in particular. The words of Rabbi Heschel echo in my head right now: "When I was younger, I so loved a sharp mind, a quick wit, a fit answer. But the older I get, the more I appreciate kindness." I'm sure that most parents and senior citizens feel this way. Offer your seat on a bus to someone too old to stand well. When I ride the bus in Israel, I encourage youngsters to do this. Sometimes I'm looked at strangely, but often they listen to me, and give a grey haired septuagenarian a chance to sit on a crowded, windy ride. That warms my heart. Every so often I see a young man pick up a heavy load of groceries and help an older woman carry it onto a bus, or into an apartment building. I want to thank Abba when I see this.

Friends, my own father, of blessed memory, and I had some very difficult times due to my beliefs in Messiah, which my father felt dishonored him and our family. Many of my family members vented their anger at my belief in Messiah at my father. He became "at fault" because of me. So I could sympathize with my father's pain. Nevertheless, our relationship for some years was seriously strained in every area due to what was an unavoidable situation for me. Yet I took small initiatives to let my father know that no matter what went down between us, ever, that I still loved and honored him, and respected his contribution to the world as a Jew and as a man. Before my father passed on, our relationship had been nicely restored. That has made such a positive difference in my life. As I get older, I remember more and more enduring things that my father taught me. I can't help but to believe that the healing that took place between us became a catalyst for that.

Small initiatives helped, and then God opened the doors.

My final comment is that sometimes the treasures of our Torah are put in in a few places in our text. The repetition tips us off that something important is before us (as 21.1 says, "before us"). I believe that attaining whole relationships with our parents and children is one of those very treasures.

David Friedman

UMJC rabbi
Jerusalem, Israel