The book of Proverbs has many sayings that we have to visualize if we are to fully grasp what they mean and what they imply. There is a passage in this week's portion that comes more fully alive when we apply the same principle.

Exodus 23:4-5 is an example that is easy to slide over until we visualize how it might work in practice.

"If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey going astray, you shall surely bring it back to him again. If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying under its burden, and you would refrain from helping it, you shall surely help him with it."

It is easy to see that this is concerned with kindness toward those whom we may not feel like treating so kindly. Thus it influences us toward a behavior that we would probably not do unless instructed to do so. In real life we would probably try to rationalize our way out of the obligation. We would cite all the reasons we shouldn't really do it. But the command is there, and if we were in such a situation and we were serious about our obedience and character growth, we would probably end up complying.

Certainly the passage is about reconciliation. It doesn't tell us why the person is our enemy or why he might hate us. We can surmise that his version of the events leading up to the estrangement might sound different than ours. Even though in clear cut circumstances where we were right and they were wrong, the command is still there.

As the aggrieved party we usually wait for the other person to approach us for the beginning of any reconciliation attempt. We were wounded, we were hurt, and we still feel the pain. Nevertheless, HaShem tells us to take the initiative, knowing our feelings and the totality of whether they reflect reality or not.

So far so good. Then when we apply our visualization technique to the verses, it really opens up. Consider finding your enemy's ox going astray. You are walking along the road, minding your own business, and there appears his ox. You quickly process the complexity of your relationship with him, your feelings about it, and all that has gone into the situation. You then decide, "OK, I better just do it."

So you take the ox and lead it back to his house, but you don't really have to get involved at this point. You might just ring his doorbell, yell out, "Here's your ox!" and go on your way. So far this situation offered the possibility of closer contact that might have led to a better relationship, but you still had an out. Maybe you weren't ready to go all the way, to reach out toward a better relationship.

But the next verse really doesn't allow you that possibility. Again, visualize how it may play out. You see the donkey of one who hates you lying under its burden. It is not just the donkey, but according to the text the owner is there. "You must help him with it." How can you help? Without getting up close to the one who hates you, you can't help at all. First consider just unburdening the donkey. Helping him implies both communication and close proximity. Then what if the donkey needs help getting on its feet? Imagine this.  You want to maintain your distance you go to the tail of the donkey while instructing the owner to grab the head, for maximum spacing, so you can then both pull the donkey upright. The only result will be a hurting donkey.

But to get a donkey upright you would have to work shoulder to shoulder with this person who hates you, pulling, pushing and sweating together until the donkey was on its feet. Can you see it? Can you see yourself doing it? Then comes the magic point, that moment when one of you, probably the one who hates you, has the opportunity to respond to your kindness by opening up a conversation about the past. Maybe his image of you has been altered enough to allow the light of God's desire for reconciliation to penetrate and nudge him toward softening his stance and opening up to you. I think God gives us moments like this, forcing us into situations that we would prefer to avoid because he has a bigger goal, reconciliation between enemies.

We are told in the Brit Hadasha that God was in Messiah, reconciling the world to himself. It wasn't easy, painless, or neat and clean. Real reconciliation usually isn't. How many such opportunities have we avoided in the past? How many might we be afforded in the future? Perhaps reflecting on that question now will make us less likely to miss the next opportunity.