| I was invited to speak about my spiritual journey at a small gathering of Israeli and American Messianic Jews in Jerusalem during my recent visit. Here is what I presented:
Surprises were more abundant back when I was eighteen than they are today, but one surprise from those days I still remember. In early June, 1967, I was finishing my first year at the University of California in Santa Cruz, a beach town 70 miles down the coast from the counter-culture glories of San Francisco. I earned my spending money as a dishwasher in the school cafeteria, where one of my fellow workers was a scraggly-bearded Jewish anti-Vietnam activist named Harris. One day in June, he surprised me. We were hearing rumors of war in far-off Israel, and the militant anti-war Harris announced that he was going to drop out, get to Israel somehow, enlist in the IDF, and fight. Before he could get himself organized, however, the war ended with the huge Israeli victory that still shapes the events of today.
I was surprised by Harris’ Jewish identity, I suppose, because mine was quite dormant. I was a second-generation American Jew: three of my four grandparents were born in the Old Country. Their children, my parents, were born and grew up in New York City, and settled in the suburbs of Southern California. My father’s father, Samuel, was part of the great wave of millions of Jews, mostly poor and uneducated, who fled the Tsar’s empire after 1881. Family legend has it that when he landed at Ellis Island, he looked up at the cracked and broken windows of the processing center and saw, not disrepair, but opportunity. He got his start in America peddling panes of window glass from a rack on his shoulders through the streets of Jewish New York. Soon he married my grandmother Nettie, who was born in America of German-Jewish parents. Both families frowned on the union, because German and Russian Jews represented two different classes in that era, but the young couple stayed together, prospered, and had four daughters and a son, my father, born in 1915.
My mother’s parents, Sam and Ida Mandel, were also part of the great wave of immigration that began in 1881. They started out on the Lower Eastside, raised five children, including my mother, born in 1920, and eventually followed their married daughters to Southern California. Once, when we went to visit them, the neighbors told us they had gone out for a walk. We spotted them walking down Fairfax Avenue, past open-air produce markets and delis flashing neon signs in Yiddish. I was about to run up and greet them, but my mother stopped me. She was afraid they would be frightened and think it was the police coming after them, as they might have done in the old country.
My family’s move to Southern California was part of another vast migration, not specifically Jewish, that brought millions of Americans from the old northeastern population centers to the West Coast after World War II. My parents were not fleeing poverty and oppression as their parents had, but were seeking a better life of economic opportunity, elbow room, and sunshine. Jewish identity had a place in this better life, as long as it did not become too intrusive. Not long before my bar mitzvah at the Reform Temple Beth Israel, Leon Uris wrote his bestseller Exodus. Israel, the Jewish homeland, had been born out of the ashes of the Holocaust to become a model state. Being Jewish was a source of pride, but its place in my young heart was soon overshadowed by the heady mix of 60s politics and counter-culture. Like many post-bar mitzvah Jewish kids, I began to take Judaism for granted and seek new horizons. My parents were part of the first generation of eastern European Jews to attain education and financial stability in America, and they valued them according-ly. For many in my generation, however, these concerns meant little. My parents’ ordeal through the Great Depression and World War II seemed like the distant past, and now their lives struck me as too comfortable, too narrow.
I left home in 1966 to begin college in Santa Cruz, where I attended one more year after my surprise encounter with Harris’ Zionist zeal. I dropped out after my sophomore year, spent half a year traveling in Europe and North Africa, returned to Santa Cruz more restless than ever, and was swept along by another migration, joining some of my fellow flower children in a remote commune in New Mexico. We lived communally, far from the complexities and corruption of suburban society, without electricity or plumbing, cultivating our plot of land by hand and irrigating out of ditches we maintained ourselves, all the while continuing our experimentation with drugs and alternative religions. It was here that I met Jane, my future wife, a beautiful and engaging young woman who had drifted to New Mexico a couple of years before me with a bus-load of hippies from New York City. In the fall of 1971, Jane and I moved to an even more remote and beautiful corner of northern New Mexico. There, at 8000 feet elevation, I learned how to drive a team of horses and cut timber, and tried to survive on subsistence farming. Andrew and Connie Shishkoff, a couple who shared our vision for peace and simplicity, soon joined us along with their little boy.
The following fall, Jane returned to our old commune to stock up on winter supplies. Our two small sons got sick there, and Jane was stranded. Finally a friend offered to take her to a spot on Highway 44 where we often caught rides back to our part of the state. As they neared the spot, Jane asked God--whoever He was--to just get her home. She looked up and there was a made-over Greyhound bus idling by the side of the road, inscribed with the words, JESUS: ONE WAY. The Jesus people inside were from New Jersey, where they had felt directed by the Spirit to go to the mountains of New Mexico for a year to study the Bible. They had laid hands on their bus before they left, praying that anyone who came into it would accept Jesus before he got off. They gladly took Jane on board, along with the little boys and hundreds of pounds of winter supplies. When they began to bombard her with Bible verses, Jane felt that she should listen; after all, this bus ride was an answer to prayer. And so it was that Jane, always the pioneer among us, became a believer in Jesus on that ride home. Connie soon accepted Yeshua too, and she and Jane invited two young men from the bus to our adobe for dinner. After the meal, Andrew and I sat with them while they pointed out Bible verses to us by the light of a kerosene lamp. They told us that if we would accept Jesus in our hearts, and confess the words ‘Jesus is Lord’, God would save us and place His Spirit within us.
By now, five years had passed since Santa Cruz and the Six-Day War. Author Bill Bryson debunks “the great myth . . . that childhood passes quickly,” and his words apply to youth as well—“it goes on for decades when measured in adult terms. It is adult life that is over in a twinkling.” Five years had been long enough to undo my hippie dream, and leave me standing one day at the edge of our mesa, looking out at the red and gold cliffs of other mesas just before me and the snow-capped San Juans of Southern Colorado in the distance, feeling like I was standing on the edge of an abyss. All of this—our idealistic quest, the return to a simpler, uncorrupted way of life, the mountains and mesas—in a moment I saw it all as just a distraction from the truth that life was meaningless and headed nowhere. But now I was in for the greatest surprise of my life. As these young men started talking about faith in Jesus, I found myself believing it. Like any good Jewish hippie, I looked down upon Christianity (along with Judaism, I must add), but in recent months, the Bible, and Jesus above all, had begun to draw me. Now, to my great surprise, the Spirit of God opened my eyes to see Him, who had been altogether foreign to me for most of my life, as Messiah, as what I had been seeking all along. My road in life had brought me to the edge of the mesa to look out at the void. Now God stepped in and suddenly I was headed in an entirely new direction.
The change was undeniable, but I still could not get myself to say ‘Jesus is Lord’. In the polite suburban Jewish home of my childhood, the name of Jesus was simply not spoken. Our Catholic next-door neighbors had an eerie picture of Jesus on their wall with His heart exposed in His chest. In an older part of town I had seen a neon sign that flashed the mysterious words ‘Jesus Saves.’ You could pick up redneck preachers invoking Jesus on the local radio. I remembered all this, along with Crusades and Inquisitions, forced conversions and expulsions. I wanted Jesus, but my long-neglected upbringing held me back. It had not protected me from all kinds of exotic religious practices in the past, but now it kept me from saying the words that I already believed in my heart. Finally, after three days, I was able to say aloud that Jesus was my lord. But then came another surprise: My dormant Jewish identity suddenly revived. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I knew it was important that I was Jewish, and that it was somehow a major part of the plan into which God was drawing me.
Jane and I, and our friends, entered a whole new way of life. We discovered other, like-minded believers through a ministry in Santa Fe that was reaching out to the hippies, many of them Jewish. One evening the director stood up and read a passage from the prophet Jeremiah, which he felt applied particularly to us:
"I hear voices high upon the windswept mountains, crying, crying. It is the sons of Israel who have turned their backs on God and wandered far away. O my rebellious children, come back to me again and I will heal you from your sins. And they reply, ‘Yes we will come, for you are the Lord our God. We are weary of worshiping idols on the hills and having orgies on the mountains. It is all a farce. Only in the Lord our God can Israel ever find her help and her salvation’" (3:21-23; Living Bible).
It was true; we had wandered far and grown weary of our ways. Now we had returned, not only to the God of Israel, but also to the people of Israel. As a result, we often said that we felt ‘more Jewish than ever.’ Yet, even though we had returned, our search was far from over.
The Christians in Santa Fe seemed to have a great love for us, and for our people as well. Sometimes when I was introduced as a Jewish believer, they would say, ‘Oh that’s wonderful; you have the best of both worlds; all the riches of the Jewish heritage and Jesus too!’ True enough, but our Christian friends did not realize the tension this embrace of both worlds created. We moved to Albuquerque and became immersed in the Christian world, but never felt quite at home there. We soon discovered that Christians did not always feel at home with us either. Some told us that we were no longer Jewish at all, but had converted and left our old religion behind. Paradoxically, from the Jewish world, we heard a similar message: we had converted; we were no longer Jewish; belief in Jesus was completely incompatible with Judaism.
As recovering hippies, we did not view such marginalization as the end of the world. If this Jesus-Jewish identity was from God, we could handle the rejection. But we weren’t sure it was from God, or how it would actually work. During that period, we met Eliezer Urbach, an older Jew who had fled Hitler’s Europe, served in the Israeli war of independence, accepted Yeshua in the mid-50s, and eventually ended up in Denver, where he became a mentor and father-figure to many young Messianic Jews. Eliezer started visiting Albuquerque every month and soon took me under his wing. One day he said, “Russell, one tuchas cannot dance at two weddings. You’ll have to decide—will your children take part in the Christmas pageant, or the Chanukah play?”
The choice seemed obvious enough to me, now with four children, but how to do it was not so clear. By 1980 I had become an elder of a charismatic, pro-Israel church with a sizeable Jewish contingent. We led a Friday-night home fellowship of about two dozen, mostly Jews and intermarried couples. Some of our friends in other parts of the country were leaving the church world altogether and joining Messianic Jewish congregations, but we were not so sure about that option. After my involvement in the counter culture, I was not eager to join another rebellion, even one taking the form of a religious movement. Besides, some of what I saw of emerging Messianic Judaism was not too inspiring, with a Jewishness that often seemed contrived or superficial. Furthermore, it raised the inevitable theological questions; was it really OK to form our own congregations to strengthen Jewish identity as believers in Yeshua? At the same time, our closest friends were joining such congregations. Even Eliezer, who initially opposed the whole idea, dropped his reservations and became instrumental in founding a messianic congregation in Denver. These were the people I trusted most in the world; shouldn’t I go with them on this issue?
In the summer of 1983, things came to a head. One of our commune friends, Ed, had become involved in a messianic synagogue in Philadelphia. Tired of arguing with us about Messianic Judaism, he offered to fly Jane and me to Messiah ‘83, a major conference where we could see things for ourselves. There we were re-united with Andrew and Connie Shishkoff, who had moved east to join Beth Messiah congregation in Maryland. We were thrilled to hear so many Jewish voices praising the Lord with New York accents. We felt ourselves being drawn into the vision, but still wondered—was this movement really from God, or just the bright idea of some creative Jewish believers?
One night Messianic Jews from all over the world were giving their testimonies. The stories were similar: ‘When I came to faith in Yeshua, I thought I was the only Jew in the world who believed the way I did. Then I found some other Jewish believers and we started to get together for Erev Shabbat to pray and eat together. Before long, this grew into our messianic congregation in France (or England or Australia).’ Somewhere amidst these testimonies, Jane and I looked at each other and knew. Here was another great surprise: this was of God! Messianic Judaism had not been invented in Philadelphia or Chicago, but was springing up all over the world as the Ruach moved upon Jewish believers. That night we received our most powerful call from God since we had accepted Messiah. We were to give ourselves to the messianic movement.
We returned to Albuquerque with a vision to transform our home group into a messianic congregation. But first Eliezer sent me to another conference, of a new group called the Union of Messianic Jewish Congregations. There I encountered the same broad vision, but with more focus on establishing congregations, building community, and connecting leaders. Our home-group-in-transition joined as an associate member, and by the next year, with help and encouragement from the UMJC, we qualified for full membership. Since then the vision has matured, from the early realization that is was OK to be Jewish even though we were saved and born again, to our current efforts to live out a Judaism of Messianic presence.
My return to the Jewish people has involved not only vision, but also friendships, some very deep, with other Jews. In 1995, I met Matthew, a prominent art dealer about my age who was battling a terminal disease the whole time that I knew him. Matthew meditated on the mystical poetry of Rumi, studied Kabala, prayed daily from the siddur, practiced serious tsedakah . . . and was interested in meeting a Messianic Jew. We quickly discovered a shared love for the weekly Torah portion and began to study together. Matthew would ponder my occasional Yeshua connections and even bring in some of his own, but he always resisted any effort to tie things together too neatly. He demanded more dialogue, more story, more questions, and less dogma. In short, he helped me approach my first love, handling the text of Scripture, more like a Jew.
Even though Matthew resisted the idea of Yeshua as Messiah, he said he felt closer and closer to him as his body descended into pain and incapacity. A week or two before he died—the last time I saw him—he drew me close because he could barely talk, and prayed, “Our father in heaven, thank you for everything” (he emphasized that word) “for everything that Russ has brought into my life and all that we have talked about together.”
Life holds fewer surprises with the passing years, but God forbid it should be without any. Some, of course, are not so sweet. I was surprised that Jews did not flock to us in droves as soon as we developed our authentically Jewish, spiritually vibrant services. More recently I’ve been surprised at how costly it can be to maintain an authentic Jewish identity as a follower of Messiah. I’m also surprised that adult life, or a good chunk of it, “is over in a twinkling,” that I’m nearing my 60th birthday and Yeshua has not returned yet, that my retirement package might involve Social Security and Medicare instead of just millennial repose under my own vine and fig tree.
There are good surprises too: Every Jew who turns to Yeshua, despite centuries of alienation, is still a great surprise. So is the breadth of Jewish tradition that is not only compatible with faith in Yeshua, but actually enhances it. I am surprised by the steadfast commitment to Yeshua among my colleagues, including younger colleagues who seem to bridge the Jewish-Jesus divide with such grace and energy. And, standing here in Jerusalem, I am happily amazed at Israel’s 60th anniversary. The apocalypse briefly glimpsed in June 1967 has not arrived, but life goes on in Eretz Yisrael despite all the challenges, with growing visibility and even grudging acceptance of Messianic Jews.
My journey from assimilated Jewish suburbia, through a remote corner of the American counter-culture, and into a Jewish experiment in following Yeshua will end up right here, when Messiah’s feet stand on the Mount of Olives, living waters flow out from Jerusalem, and the Lord becomes king over all the earth (Zech. 14:5, 8-9). Since this is the destination we have hoped for all along it may not come as a surprise, but surely it will amaze us beyond words as it comes into view.
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